I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with a girl. She lives about 4 hours away and I. Make sure to visit her at least twice a month. We do both love eachother even though the relationship is very "physical."
My problem is that ever since college she's gone kind of nuts when it comes to "freedom" as she puts it.
When the school year started (both of us are in college) she kept it a secret from me that she was smoking cloves and going out to parties frequently. I had gotten the feeling she was hiding something from me and confronted her about it. She said she would stop smoking and cut back on the partying because it was hurting her grades.
About two weeks later I find out that she's been smoking pot. This time I confronted her about it with our friends with all of us saying we wished she would stop because it's not worth getting caught and kicked out of college (with it being our freshman year this is ever bigger of a factor). She said she understood and would stop.
Now, a month later, I see hints that she might still be smoking pot, she still parties but not as much, and has slept in rather than going to class a few times because she's out till 5 in the morning "skating."
I guess my question is, how can I make her realize I'm worried about her future if this keeps up and want her to stop before she makes big mistakes.
So that you can get an idea for her reactions for counterpoints, she first started smoking because it "helps her not care about her problems and relax", she enjoys drinking at parties "because it makes things funnier and helps her forget problems" (and from personal experience she is a lightweight but doesn't think it and is overly clingy when drunk, which is one of my major problems with her drinking because I don't want some guy taking advantage of her while drunk), and claims that I don't understand freedom and the need to hang out because I don't really have friends at my college when I confronted her about skipping class.
Suggestion:
she sais "it helps me forget the problems"….
i believe she is way too immature for a meaningful relationship and has a long way to go before she finds out that drugs don't make problems go away but make them worse and that drinking makes things funnier only to people who are easily entertained with childish silly things. She most likely will find out all these things the hard way because she doesn't seem to want to listen to you…or care enough about your feelings to respect your concerns. Men will take advantage of her and she will get busted for drugs eventually because as you look at statistics the odds are agains her. (she will say it wont happen to her like everyone else).
You are sweet in trying to make her realize she is on a destructive path but it is nearly impossible for you to help her because you see her so little. I think that being closer to where she is or spending more time with her might help but in the long run it will wear on you because everyone has to "learn life" by them selves.
concentrate on your studies, have fun …and move , look for someone who has the same values as you
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