My boyfriend was a smoker (and addicted to drugs) for ten years, and stopped doing anything but social drinking five years ago. He told me that he's finally stopped getting cravings, I said wow, good for you, and was glad we didn't have to worry about that.
Then yesterday he started a new job, and when he got out he told me to give him an hour to shower. I showed up accordingly, and when I kissed him, my first thought was, "Huh. That's weird – when he breathes out his nose I get this whiff of cigarette smoke." I thought of bringing it up, but I didn't want to go about it the wrong way, and didn't want to sound paranoid (what if he smelled like smoke because his coworkers had been smoking?).
I don't like the idea of him keeping something from me, and I don't know how bad it is if he really has started smoking again. Should I ask him about it? If so, how can I do it without being accusatory or making him not want to share these things with me? Should I be worried he'll keep other things from me, or have a relapse?
Suggestion:
First off, yes, if you know FOR SURE that you have smelled it coming from him. It's not a good thing to assume, and that's why you have to be 100% positive you could smell it, and it was from him. The best thing to do is to sit him down. Sit him down and say, "There's something that was bothering me since the other day, and I didn't want to come out and make an assumption, especially if it isn't true, or if it is. When I kissed you the other day, I couldn't help but smell cigarettes. I'm not trying to start an argument, and i'm not going to get mad if you are smoking, but are you smoking again?" and be real calm about it. Don't raise your voice, but be very relaxed to where he can trust that you will not snap on him. The more he can trust that he can easily talk to you, the better he'll feel at telling you everything. And if he says yes, then you're gonna have to be a little more understanding, being the fact that he's started the new job, it is stressful. If he is smoking, do everything you can to be his support to quit again. Also, you may want to point out that you didn't like the fact that he didn't tell you about it. How to go about that is by simply saying, "Well, i'm glad your honest by telling me that you're smoking again, but why didn't you come to me and just tell me?". Talk to him as if you're talking to your best friend. That always works. My husband is my best friend, and we tell each other EVERYTHING, even if it'll get each other mad, but it's because we put ourselves in each other's shoes, therefore, understanding where they're coming from. I hope this helps. Sorry for the long paragraph lol.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
check his car for a lighter
Well if you are worried then definitely ask. It shouldnt be offensive in any way. Its better to ask and find out the truth then to wait until its too late
yes, of course you should ask him if this situation is bothering you..
don't go through his personal belongings though, that may lead you guys to more arguments and make the whole situation worse, plus you wouldn't want him looking through your stuff.
put yourself in his shoes & try to understand the way he may be feeling. and when the time is right, when you guys are alone, bring it up.. ask him calmly if he's smoking & tell him why your asking him that, tell him your not trying to start anything, tell him your just wondering.
Been through this situation myself.I was called everything for confronting my ex guy about smoking.Made me give it up because of money.I am laughing now as it has been 5 years as a non smoker and he is still adddicted.A non smoker can smell it on a smoker at all times.