Feels like dying, minus the relief of an ending. Need to get high fast…but, I don't want to drink. Can't smoke here. What can I do? There are average home over-the-counter meds and whatnot are available. Yes, I'm seeing a psychiatrist, yes I am Bipolar, yes I am medicated. I just need a quick fix to take the edge off of a breakup, and seeing my little sister half naked with her punk *** boyfriend day after day. It all disgusts and depresses me.
That's what humanity is all about, you live, you ****, you die. Sad ennit?
This is why I need to get out of my own body right now. I'm a caged animal on Earth. I need to breathe in the stratosphere or something. I just need something, and I mean it when I say ANYTHING to stop the complete formless nothing that is this feeling, this moment, today, this life— even if for only a moment.
I don't want to get into heroin or crack, or any of that ****. I just need something to take my mind off of life, and by that I mean, I need something to take my mind, period.
Getting little to no sleep these days staying up, wanting to slip into some sort of dream, but knowing that sleep only brings the tiredness of morning.
Help.
Suggestion:
Hi Jaime. Sorry to hear your problems. I know that feeling very well and there is not a great deal you can do as a quick fix. My psychiatric nurse felt I may be borderline bipolar as well as having complex post traumatic stress and depression.
You seem very aware of how you feel and the difficulties you are going through. You also have the sense to be trying to look for genuine help rather than drugs and alcohol. That is a big credit to you. When I've been really bad before, I throw myself into physical exercise. Running is good. Just step out the door and go. Keep going until you cannot go any longer. Push hard and eat the pain. It gives you thinking time, tires you out to allow some sleep later, produces endorphins to lessen depression and you have complete control over it. I also use Martial arts for the same reason. It releases aggression and you can push as hard as you want. These are all I have in the short term (apart from self harm and I don't want to see you go down that road).
Long term, look up cognitive behavioral therapy on the net. This is a way of retraining your brain to deal with things. It is worth trying even if it sounds odd. It may help you get through another episode later on.
Neither option may sound great but you have nothing to lose by trying them and both help me. I really wish you well and hope that your life improves. Good luck!
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