I want to stay with him and give him a chance but he lies OVER and OVER again. It's like an addiction that he doesn't want to get help for. I don't understand this. I love him, and want him to get help, but do you think he would get help?? He's lied so much and I don't know what to believe with him anymore.
I found a condom in his old car and I'm not convinced it was there because he was "jerking off and used the condom because he didn't want to make a mess."
He's in the Navy and got himself in trouble, so I don't get to see him for 45 days. There is a court date coming up but because his ship will be underway he won't be able to make it and I have to go to court alone, just like I had to do other responsibilities alone.
When I first met him, he wasn't the typical sailor, he was nice and sweet, but soon this dark side just came out, now his captain has taken away our pay, bills are struggling, I barely have gas in the vehicle, I WANT A CIGARETTE so badly (even though I quit smoking), I've never been this miserable and alone, and he makes me feel as if I did something wrong when I was the one who gave up a lot for him.
He disrespects me, abandons me, hangs up the phone on me, then tells me later on he's sorry and he loves me, but then it happens again, and sometimes I wonder if I'm guilty of anything. He just seems so miserable in this marriage and is proving to me that he doesn't care when all I want to do is have a happy marriage. TWICE he's left me stranded in an apartment with almost no food. One time he left me on a military base and I had to get a ride home with a stranger. He gets SO mad at me when I catch him in a lie. And that's not even the half of it.
But we had our good time too I guess… if they weren't all lies, if he wasn't faking it… Ugh.
I just want him to love me. He's been to counseling, no result. Been to church, no result. I don't know what else to do with this man. I gave up my very well paying and supportive job as an exotic dancer for him and now I'm stuck in an empty apartment, with donated food in my cupboards, with insecurities, lonliness and sadness surrounding me. But "Oh golly gee I'm married!" xP
I want to leave, but a big part of me still wants to have hope in him…
What should I do?
And i REALLY shouldn't have any cigarettes so please convince me not to…. and I really don't want to go back to exotic dancing but sometimes the temptation to do it is there because the money is great and bills could get paid, but I didn't want to live that life anymore, hence why I got married to settle down but noooo, I had to marry an idiot who loves to lie to his wife, abandon her, and then tries to make her feel bad for him, UGH and I'm playing right into his deception. He makes me feel so unattractive, I have to dress up to make myself feel good. I get more compliments from COMPLETE strangers than I do him. Which makes me feel good, but I don't want it from strangers, I want it for him. I'm not an ugly girl at all! I have a pretty face and nice figure (Hence why I made so much money dancing) Was I seriously meant to be a stripper? It seems like I can't do much of anything right. And he's making himself so much less attractive with his ugly lies!!
How can this horrid cycle stop? :'/
Jeez I should've just joined the military when I had a chance but noooo, I wanted to be "married" UGH. fml.
Suggestion:
With all your should have would have could have and wishes….. you have a lot of emotional pain and bitterness in junction to all that too.
You truly need to get out from under whats holding you back from all that..the sooner the better. The only thing you're doing now is wallowing…get a plan of action and put it to work! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and for your husband and do whats best for YOU. He cant love you….he doesn't even love himself and you are wasting too much time trying to figure him out. Aside from the lies how can you love someone who has disrespected you……abandoned you and done numerous other things to you? You have to love yourself and this definitely is NOT helping you.
YOU can stop this horrid cycle….if YOU reallllly want to YOU can.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
You have no kids and you're hot. Why are you wasting your time with this a**hole when you know you could do so much better?
What do you love about him? He lies constantly and makes you fee "unattractive." Those are your own words.
Move on.
SAVE YOUR SANITY AND GET THOSE PAPERS READY .LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK
U would be better off without him. Find a man that will treat u right. Good Luck
move on – he will drag you down with him!
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