I'm a mother of 8 children and you can probably tell from that, that I'm extremely busy, so I'm trying type this fast, so sorry if their are misspelling and grammar. Okay I'm 45 and happily married for 25years to a wonderful husband. we have 8 children 7 girls and one boy. 7 of my children still live at home, twin girls who are 18, and 17,16,14,13 year old daughters and a 8 year old son. My 17 year old daughter was adopted just incase you were thinking how could I have so many kids back to back.
That's my family but here the situation. My family has just recently gotten custody of a 16 year family friend. His mother was my best friend and she was battling cancer and towards the end she realized she wasn't going to make it. And because she didn't have any relatives we decided my husband and I would get legal custody of Brady ( that's his name), it was little more complicated than that but, I'll spare the details.
Any way before Brady's mother passed away he 6 months ago he had been dating my 16 year old daughter Mercedes, for almost a year or so. So like I said 6 months ago after Brady's mother died he moved in with my family. He's been a great kid since moving. He gets along with everyone. He has been active in sports, he is verbally committed to USC for football. Or in simpler terms he is about to get a scholarship from USC baring any setbacks, And he's been at the top of his class in grades avg a 4.0 and I'm very proud of him. And the best thing about him is that I trust him. No the best thing about him is that he isn’t having sex with my daughter
My husband and I set rules for Brady and my daughter Mercedes since they are dating, like no sex, not going into each others rooms past a certain hour on weekdays. When they go into each others rooms no closed doors. no excessive kissing in the house. No cuddling around me or her dad, and more common rules you would set for a teenage couple living together. We are trying to control the situation as much as can without them feeling controlled.
But things have been going crazy with my family. My 18 year old daughter is an actress, and just recently landed her first big time role in a movie, my 17 yr old daughter is an aspiring singer who is traveling the states singing in small venues, and my other 18 yr old daughter is a model who is overseas right now doing a shoot. My husband is currently with her. So its just me with 4 teenagers and child to care for until my husband comes back home in about a month.
The problem is my daughter Mercedes, I am so disappointed in her, she’s becoming this person that I don’t like. I found out from Brady maybe about a month ago, that Mercedes had tried pot. I confronted her about it because I one of those people who thinks any type of drug is horrible and they ruin lives, and she told me it was a one time thing so I blew it off. But Brady kept trying to talk to me about it, and telling me he was concerned but, with all the other kids I just kind of put it off. I know that’s horrible parenting. Two weeks ago She I saw her smoking so I finally made an issue of it. I grounded her, I went through all of the dangers of drugs. After that she told me she hated me, and that I neglect her and that I don’t care about her. So she’s been mad, and I might have mentioned to her that Brady was telling me what was going on, so she’s been mad and wont really talk to him
I talked to Brady last week and he told me how Mercedes felt that like she was less than her older sisters and that she felt like she could never live up to them. And that felt that my husband and I loved everyone else more than her. Brady told me that Mercedes had told him that she felt jealous of him because she feels that we treat Brady more like family than her. She thinks I’m not proud of her. So I tried to talk to her about it and she refused to. Than she blew up at Brady for telling me and won’t talk to any of us.
When she stopped talking to the family, I could tell Brady was depressed and he’s been moping around the house because she wont talk to him until Friday of last week, everything seemed to calm down, Mercedes started talking to everyone, and she apologized for the way she had acted. That same night she and Brady wanted to go to a movie, when they came home they seemed fine, I didn’t really check. But about an hour and half at about 1 in the morning I heard them in our basement and I went down and see them kissing/having oral sex. and when I stopped it and talked to them I could smell the marijuana and alcohol. They reeked of it. But they were so “wasted” I grounded them then yelled at them the next day. I’m so disappointed in both of them.
BECAUSE OF THE LENGTH I HAD TO PUT THE REST IN THE ADDED DETAILS BOX
Suggestion:
First of all, I would like to say God Bless you! You have a lot on your plate and I cant imagine how much weight you're holding on your shoulders. I have just 3 kids and Im totally overwhelmed.
Anyway, with that said. You should def. address the issues about the drinking/drugs/sex with them again ..but the 2 of them together. Dont put Brady in between you and your daughters issues. Punish them for their previous actions.. however. Move on.
My best advice would be for you to reconnect with just your daughter Mercedes. I think this often happens in large families. A child or 2 always feel lost in the hussel and bussel of things. Just try to make an extra effort of always showing her how much you care and point out her positives on a regular basis. She is acting out, drugs/alcohol/set, b/c she is lacking love and attention from you and her dad. Have a girls day out with just you and her every week. Shopping, dinner out, getting nails done, etc. Just the 2 of you. Connect with her when you are in doing such outtings, but dont focus on her negatives or her misbehaviors, rather focus on her and her future goals, positive responses go a long way!! Always use, "I" statements when you are spekaing with her. Dont degrade her by saying,, you you you. Dont bring Brady into it, unless she does. Also, dont ask Brady about things abt her you are putting him in an uncomfortable situation and as it shows he is started to pull away from you. you dont want that either. I hope this helped. best of luck to you! 
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