I Think I Suffer from Depression and I Don't Know What to Do Please Help?

i think i have been depresses for the past 4 years of my life(i just turned 17), but i don't think im the kind of depressed that shows on the outside, i think i have the kind ppl keep on the inside and they don't let it show. my dad left me and my mom when i was three and i have lived with my mom and her husband (my step father ughh) and my biological father is a very sick man who is dying, i don't know he will pass, he can any day. he's trying to live life like a normal person even thou he suffers from skin cancer diabetes, asthma and i think there might be more, but he does not want to scare me. he has had so many open heart surgery's and stuff and other kinds of surgery's.(he has been smoking since he was like literally 12, or younger, he's 68 now and back then they didn't know smoking was bad for u so my gram gram and grand dad let him, back then ppl had no clue, it was so bad that doctors even recommended what type of cigs to smoke, if u lived during that time u would know, if ur wondering my dad is a very handsome man, still is for an old man witch is y my mom and dad were together even though shes like 41) if he ever dies, i really would have no one, my home situation with my mom and step dad and my little half brother(i love him so much, i dint see him as a half brother) i usually am very happy around people and act like this happy go luck perky girl as a mask, i have researched and i know i have all the symptoms of depression, but i haven't been getting any help for it, i also have had severe cutting problems in the past but ive stopped. i told my mom that i think im depressed and she will just laugh at me say stuff like bella don't be stupid or yeah okay. i don't know who to turn too and i don't know what to do. my best friend david has researched the signs of teens who are most likely to commit suicide and he said a fell under most of the symptoms. i don't FEEL like i want to kill myself, but i don't know, i need help, and i really want to be sincerely happy again, not the fake happy mask that i have too put on every day, i don't know what to do plz help me. thank u. sorry for it being so long

Suggestion:

I can tell you REALLY love and admire your dad….so sorry he left you, and yet your love for him persists! It sounds like the best thing in your present family is little step-bro, who you also love dearly. When you talk about dad and bro, I can feel that love coming from you…and that is maybe the best part about you! Live for the love you have inside, it has value….when you think you are depressed, remember the people that mean so much to you. That is all life is really about…when you really love others unselfishly, it is the best therapy there is for YOU!

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