I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two and a half years now and since the start of the relationship have felt extremely anxious and paranoid that he will leave me for another woman. I can wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and be confident, but then as soon as I see an even slightly attractive girl, I have compared myself with her in seconds and found a number of things about her which make her better or more attractive to me. I get panicky that if my boyfriend sees her he will think the same as me and see her as better than me, wish he was with her instead or wish I looked or acted like her. I constantly bring this up to him and he always tries to reassure me that he doesn't think like this but I can't get my head around this and just feel like he's trying to make me feel better. I don't want anyone to think I'm blaming him here because I know he gets so frustrated with this and I wish I could feel different. He usually now gets angry about it and then his sister or parents (I live with him after as I don't get on with my mum) get involved and shout and tell me I'm being stupid or childish and need to shut up etc.
I don't want to feel like this every single day. I've hurt myself once before because of it and I'm worried I have something mentally wrong with me. No one seems to understand me at all or even try to understand how hurt and confused and paranoid I feel everyday. I know people get jealous but everyone just assumes that I'm just jealous or being a *****, and I can't stress enough how this is so so much more than that. I just feel inadequate to everyone all the time. And my boyfriend and his family don't even try to understand, so they just attack me for it, but they don't get that putting me down and insulting me makes me feel even worse. It makes me so angry all the time and I'm really worried my health is at risk because of this. It's not normal to be feeling like this, all I want is for someone to sympathise with me and let me try and sort this out.
I've gone for a couple of weeks before feeling fine, but then I lost concentration and felt like **** again and as soon as I said anything everyone just jumps on it and told me I'm stupid. I felt like I was back to square one and had to start all over again trying to overcome this problem. I don't know if its a trust issue or what, my boyfriend smokes weed a lot and it's always caused problems between us. He once told me he'd stopped smoking it and then almost a year later he told me that he'd been lying to me all that time. So I think maybe this has something to do with it. And when I get upset about other women or myself, he and everyone else just puts all the blame on me when I flip out when one of them calls me childish or something. I know so well that I must frustrate everyone so much, but no one ever thinks, 'Maybe insulting her isn't the best thing as it will make her feel worse.' They just do it and then expect me to apologise for being angry.
My boyfriend also finished with me a few months ago so although we're back together, maybe this has something to do with this as well. I just feel like if he's finished with me once, why wouldn't he do it again because he must know there's so many better girls in the world.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone in this and trapped in this mind that is constantly making me feel awful and depressed. I just want to be understood for once and not attacked for something that I can't stop myself from feeling.
Someone please please help 
I don't know what to do anymore.
Suggestion:
I truly hope you don't think I'm being rude, but honestly, no wonder you don't feel good about yourself, you may not get along with your mom, but the people you are living with are mentally abusing you and its not right, you seem so sweet.
And they obviously don't even care enough to try to understand that this goes much deeper than jealousy or vanity, it border's or maybe even goes over the line of a disorder.
If I were you I would try seek some professional help, find a counselor or somebody who will truly listen to you when you talk. If you had met the man that is your soul mate just his look would be able to make you feel like the only girl in the world.
I used to be just like you, I drove myself insane, I would just lock myself in my room afraid to even see anybody I hated myself so bad, swearing that I wouldn't leave my room until I lost weight, or fixed whatever it was I was obsessing about at that moment, I too felt so completely inadequate but not just physically but mentally, I thought I wasn't the lowest person on the food chain.
Until I met my son's father, I had those problem's in the beginnings with him, and his family would do the same thing if they were eaves dropping and heard what was going on, and he would wait till I left, or he thought I was out of ear shot and tell them to shut their mouth's that I was who he loved, and I meant more to him than they did, and if he caught them saying crap about me again he would leave or he would tell every psychotic thing they've done to everybody and embarrass them to death.
It really worries me that he doesn't stand up for you, and that these people are calling you names.
You could try talking to your mom about what is going on, and tell her listen I really need you so please listen, and it could bring you all closer together.
If you dont want to try that you might want to try setting her boyfriend, his mother, and his sister, in the same room and telling them, please let me explain everything before anybody say's anything, and explain to them that your not jealous, you just truly feel so inadequate and low. if they don't understand it honestly might be time to start looking for another family member or friend to stay with I didn't see your age, but if your old enough to get a job and strike out on your own, that could GREATLY improve your self esteem.
Even if these people do listen to you and try to understand, or whether they don't, what you need to worry about most is yourself, go get a new hair cut, or your nail's done, or a pedicure, buy a new outfit or perfume.
Start two journal's, and in one everytime you have you have a bad thought about yourself, you have to write something good about yourself in the other one.
I truly believe the people in your life have beaten you down, whether it's our boyfriend, or his family, or your mother, I'm not sure which one started it all, but now all of them are coming down you.
You need to find your happiness again, go out on your own some for a walk, go to a movie by yourself, fall in love with a character in a book and pretend your the important person in their life.
Daydream often and find as many thing's as humanly possible to get into whether their crazy or what, you've just lost yourself sweetie your true self, but she's in there somewhere I promise, you might want to go out and make some new friend's too, I'll be one of them you can add me on here, you need surround yourself with people who love you and think your amazing, you deserve that.
Because right now it breaks my heart to see somebody so broken down, who doesn't even realize it's not her fault it's the people around her, and who will be continually beat down, and don't forget the best medicine for some self assurance is to stand up for yourself, tell them people your wrong, your stupid because you don't know how to listen, and before they can say anything else go for a walk and ride the high of putting them in their place, you don't deserve this, please find somebody who can help you, whether by being a reliable ear, or helping you move out, just please find help.
And I hope I was able to give you some good advice because you really really deserve it sweetie.
