We have been together for almost 2 years. I really want to break up, but can't find an affordable place to live yet. I'm 20, he's 27. When we met, I felt really confident in myself and happy. I said I didn't want a boyfriend until college, but he was really nice and he was from China AND an "Engineering student." I fell in love with him only to find he was a Math student who WANTED to study Engineering. This didn't bother me, but now I realize it was a red flag. Here's a quick summary of what happened:
*first 3 months= happy
*next 6 months=told me he liked bigger boobs and told me about 300 lb girls with giant boobs, or girls with fake boobs. I have natural 30D's, but I didn't show cleavage, and he wanted me to.
made comments about my wavy hair (he wanted straight hair) and hair color.And skin color (wanted me tan). Also told me my clothing was gross, that I shouldn't shave my arms, my arms were too thin, and my stomach was too toned. Compliments were that I was skinny…didn't even compliment my eyes or smile. I let this slide since I was his first real girlfriend (he had one before me for 2 months, and she cheated on him).
*then-on: asked me why i had wrinkles under my eyes until i started crying. To "comfort" me he said, "Stop crying or you'll get more wrinkles!" So…it has been around 1 yr since then, but I spend around 1 hour every day starting at/trying to moisturize out the wrinkles (which I never noticed until he mentioned them).
*A few months ago he RANDOMLY said, "When you are older, you'll be wrinkly, with rotten teeth and no hair." I said, "Huh?" and he was denied ever saying that o__0
*Besides the fact that he lies all the time (esp. about smoking, drinking, what he is doing…like his FRIENDS will tell me he was out partying…HE won't tho), and can never keep a promise (ex. he'll ditch me, or get drunk when he said he wouldn't), he has developed a horrible temper…he gets angry about everything, and will slam doors and throw stuff. An example is when he offered to wash dishes one day and I said, "Thanks." and he was washing them and suddenly started calling me a wh*re, sl*t, ghetto trash, golddigger, and slamming doors. I was like, "What's wrong? o__0
and he said, "I don't want to wash dishes anymore — they're TOO dirty!"
Anyway, I want to move out, but I'm studying abroad soon *which he is mad at me for doing*, so it's complicated
He insults me ALL the time. I have grown to hate him, but the problem is that I feel so hideous now. I mean, he shows NO interest in my hobbies such as gaming, guitar, anime, art, and writing, and on top of that insults my goals of becoming a CEO (and studying abroad), AND he makes me feel ugly and worthless (ex. if i get upset at him for telling me we are going to hang out, and never coming home or for drunk driving, he gets furious at me and insults me for around 2 hours while trashing the apt). Sorry this is kinda a rant…but the above is simply an idea of some of what i've been through (not to mention he was a member of dating sites while we were dating etc)…
How can I gain back my confidence once I get the chance to leave him? Please help and thank you so much!!! 
Suggestion:
Wow. All I can say is, the sooner this guy is out of your life, the better! Get rid of him ASAP!
I don't know you, so obviously I can't make any specific comments about your appearance, but what he said is ridiculously out of line. It's pretty clear that he's the one who has issues. He's unhappy for some reason or other — who cares what — and he's taking it out on you. That is totally unfair. You sound like a caring and very creative person. I'm sure your next boyfriend will appreciate your talents, and your good qualities.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
You need to get really angry and give as good as you get. Move out as soon as you are able and just forget about it all. Some boys/men are just plain nasty.
1st. of all you must get out and away from him- People like him just continually drag other people down- You must tell yourself , you will be o.k.- Please don't let an idiot like him make you distrust others- Life is short , you must learn to be happy- Go to a clergy man, or seek help w/ a Dr., but please get away from this rat——-All men are not mean , like he is- He is doing a mental job on you, please don't let him- Good Luck , and you are in my prayers————-
Hi,
For starters, I think your boyfriend does have a genuine anger issue. All his hateful comments, slamming doors and quick temper – it all adds up. Talk to someone you trust about this, otherwise your relationship will turn ugly. I would seriously consider leaving this cruel guy.
Hope this helpedxxx
Show him what you just wrote. If you want out, leave when you go abroad, and you'll one day find a man who treats you like you deserve. Your description of yourself sounds really pretty, and what he's saying comes down to his issues and not anything wrong with your looks. Good luck with it all, remember you're beautiful
x
Urgh what an appalling story. I am sorry for what you've been through. He sounds like a crackpot and I'm glad you are planning on leaving him. He has purposely destroyed your confidence so you won't go off with another man. What I would do is organise somewhere to stay and then leave when he's at work or something. Arrange it all without telling him, and just go. He sounds like he could become quite dangerous as he is clearly a nasty piece of work. Get the strength to organise somewhere to stay, and leave the bastard.
Uh, how about you end the relationship? If someone calls you insulting names they have no respect for you. He is rude and demeaning — so why are you still with him? Some women need to get backbones and not stop taking crap from men. What chance are you waiting for, just leave. The hole is getting deeper, and if you keep waiting he may go from verbal/mental abuse (which he is doing now) and start physically abusing you.
Good luck
Ok woah back up. There is a million reasons why you need to break up with this guy. I mean please, don't put up with this, just break it off immediately. No woman should have to put up with this – and also realise this isn't such a personal thing, no woman in this universe will ever meet his requirements because by putting you down he is making you think that only HE will put up with you and your looks and therefore making you stay with him. He is not insulting you because he doesn't like how you look, otherwise if it bothered him that much any other guy would just leave and say you're too ugly for him.
But no, he stays and tells you you're ugly and that way you think you are not good enough for anybody else. You are smart girl – realise this is just mind games. You could be Heidi Klum and it wouldn't make a difference. Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been in similar relationships where they were told they weren't good enough and it simply isn't true.
You can't afford to live on your own, that's fair enough but I would ask a friend or a close family member and tell them about the situation and maybe you can move in with them until you move abroad. Another option is to look into a communal house where you live with several people, and share a kitchen, bathroom but pay less rent. That's what I did when I couldn't fully afford to pay bills etc and I met some great people and also got out of an unhealthy relationship which totally rejuvenated my confidence. You are moving abroad soon anyway so this temporary accomodation would be ideal and at least you are AWAY from this guy.
You seem to have a lot of brains academically so don't let him hold you back – you will only regret it.
I think your bf has insecurities and he insults you so he can feel superior than you. You can gain your confidence by not believing every negative things he said about you. Instead, focus on your goals and keep yourself busy. All his complain about you is only physical. If he is not satisfied with how you look, then he should have courted someone else with big boobs. His teeth will be rotten since he is smoking and surely has bad breath. Better find counselling groups in christian churches to help encourage you. Look for a place to stay than to live with a negative person who will only be an obstacle in reaching your goals in life. Pray that you will find a good man who will appreciate you for who you are and treats you with respect. The best is yet to come.
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