His article:
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/its-enough-to-drive-you-to-drink-20100502-u1bq.html#comments
My response:
My Grandmother handed me your article yesterday. She has a habit of cutting out the most conservative, religious, ill informed newspaper articles. I literally had to restrain myself from tearing it up in frustration. You're truly wowserism at its peak.
From what I've read, and correct me if I'm wrong, Dianne Brimble was drugged, or had taken the drug 'Fantasy' (GHB) the night of her rape and death. Even if she did drink, and take the drug willingly, isn't it the rapists fault for taking advantage of her? Or the drugs fault for leaving her not only impaired, but unconsious? She had three times a recriational users 'normal dose' of GHB in her system. She didn't die of an alcohol overdose. She died of a drug overdose. I noticed that you left these facts out. You're so dismissive of her life, 'Dianne Brimble after a few drinks', it disgusts me.
"The 18 year-old who, staggeringly drunk, was raped on her way home in 2007 by a taxi driver now serving 14 years' jail." Even if she was sober, I seriously doubt she'd be able to fend of an attacker who was probably larger and stronger than herself. I'm a yound female, and even if I was sober I'd have a hard time fending him off. You're saying that it was the alcohols fault? Not the rapists, the man she'd trusted- and paid- to drive her home.
"Cracking down on tobacco is like cracking down on devil worship. It's easy to put the boot into something that antisocial without apology. Smoking stinks and it's bad for you." You're really going to compare devil worship with smoking? That's just like comparing homosexuality to paedophillia. And as for antisocial, I don't really think choosing to smoke makes you "hostile to or disruptive of normal standards of social behavior", which is the definition of the word. Are you really labelling every smoker hostile and antisocial?
Your argument seems to be that alcohol turns 'normal' people into murderers and thugs; alcohol doesn't place violent thoughts into your mind. They're already there, don't blame the alcohol for other peoples twisted thoughts. Someone who has thoughts of killing and raping another human being has something wrong with them, with or without alcohol. Most of people manage to drink alcohol without becoming violent, because most people don't already have a pre-disposition to be violent.
You should stop anthropomorphising (look it up) tobacco and alcohol. As the saying goes, 'Guns don't kill people, people do'.
I just need help with sentence structure and stuff >_<
Suggestion:
I think the sentence structure is fine and that you've gotten your point across. They don't expect your opinion to be written like its an article all its own.
You spelled "recreational" wrong in the second paragraph. The saying, "guns don't kill people, people do." Should get double quotations. There is no set rule about that when used in this situation, but once you choose to use either double or single quotations you're supposed to stick with whatever you chose the whole time.
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