I am seven months pregnant. My partner and I discussed our thoughts on how my parents' very heavy smoking (indoors) would impact our decision to leave our baby with them for periods of time at their house.
I have a pre-existing condition that puts me into a high risk category for pregnancy. (my consultants said 12 months ago that we wouldn't be able conceive).
I asked if they would mind not smoking around me whilst pregnant and they agreed that they would open the doors and smoke outside to air the house out so I wouldn't have to be too heavily exposed to their smoke.
Last time we were there, my dad started smoking inside (his house, his perogative). I asked if he would continue smoking outside as was prearranged and agreed and he said 'windows open, it's enough'. I asked my mum if she would have a word and she did and he went outside. We left shortly after.
I tried to have a very diplomatic conversation with my mum on the phone about smoking when the baby was born and she told me to **** off.
She has since told me (over many forms of communication) that she knew I was going to use the baby as a weapon and she's really hurting and I'm upsetting her and emotionally blackmailing her (when in actual fact I haven't).
My partner has got involved and contacted her independently of me and said basically what I was saying 'baby's health is the priority and if you insist on smoking inside with her there we can't leave her with you for her own health.
I am at a loss as to what to do. They are now saying that I said things that I haven't and started trying to turn my brother against me (they are also pregnant) by saying things like 'they can't believe I'm never going to let them see the baby.' blah blah blah.
I don't want to lose my relationship with my parents. Over anything else i compromise but this is not something I am willing to compromise on.
I don't want to compromise my baby's health.
I have tried diplomacy and all I have got back is how awful I am and using the baby as a weapon.
Thoughts would be greatly greatly appreciated.
What can I do?
Thank you very much.
Suggestion:
You can't ask someone else to do something in their own house, even if it is better for your baby. The only thing you can do is ask for them to come to your house so you know that they won't be smoking in the house. You never know though once your baby is born they might stop by themselves.
Oh wow thumbs down so exciting! If I were your parents I would get p*ssed off! You gave them an ultimatum about what they shoud be doing in THEIR house. The answer is simple if you don't like it don't go there. They shouldn't have to change their lives for your baby. At the end of the day it is your responsibility to do what you can to make your child safe and if that means not taking the baby to their house then so be it, but they shouldn't HAVE to do something for someone who is going to go home after a visit. Should they WANT to? Yes they should but you can't make them.
