I have a girlfriend that use to lie to me about smoking weed amongst other things. We have been dating for 11 months now since November 09. This is the better part of the relationship (i think). Within the first 5 months of the relationship I had to be the backbone that kept this relationship together and support her financially even when she gave up on our entire relationship and cared less about me. When she use to smoke (now she doesn't) she habitually lied and did it every chance she could do it without getting caught. This meant she had free reign over the weekends and whenever she "wanted space".
Problem 1 is that she couldn't afford to pay her rent every single month. When you can't depend on your family and you have one main supporter, who does that leave to pay what she could pay herself? Me of course. So during the week I buy food for us to eat and cook or we just eat out. I am a college student. She doesn't attend school at the moment. I work the weekends to pay my car note, phone bill, apartment, and food. She works to pay her rent. I am in my junior year of college
Problem 2 is she isn't ready to kick the habit. She still continuously lies about smoking. and other things…
My 21 birthday came around in February. I had one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time. The next day was actually one of the worst times I had in my life. I got in a car wreck coming from class. I was in the car alone and I was hit and my car was flipped 3 times. I made it out without even a scratch on me. But I couldn't say the same about my car. It was totaled. But when my friends had shown up at the scene my girlfriend was with them. She had a look on her face without emotion… most females I know tend to get pretty emotional at times like this… I almost felt as is she didn't care or she is a poker player. The next two months followed the most stressful and hardest point in my life in the relationship and it trickled down to my classes.
But even after my accident she cared less about our relationship and it began to show. She lied every time I came back from a weekend to see her and who she was smoking with. She lied about her going out to parties. One Sunday while coming back to school I stopped by her job and found a hickey on her neck. Honestly the hickey messed with my brain pretty hard because I couldn't understand why she would do something with someone else when I am the one supporting her and trying to make this relationship work even when she constantly spits in my face but then holds her hand out for help. A couple hours later I pick her up from work and the hickey disappeared. I could only assume that the hickey had to be put there the prior Saturday night or Friday night.
She continued on with her ways and I continued to abide by my word to her and not break up with her and be there for her. Even when she told me to leave like everyone else does and treated my like crap. After the first 5 months of emotional torture and physical exhaustion I finished the spring semester of college and was on the the summer. Which offered me a break from school and possibly her. By the graces of God and a serious conversation about where this relationship is going she slowly cut back the selfishness and put us before her ways. The Summer hits and I stay with her at her apartment to gauge where this relationship is gonna go and basically keep my eyes on here like a child because I DO NOT trust her. She also confessed to what I believe was the mass amount of where and when she was lieing and who she was with when smoking. But minus the couple of lies that I had noticed from her and have decided to ignore for our future sake she has made many changes that were needed. I have asked her about the hickey on her neck but she has denied that it was a hickey Now after the Summer is up and it is now the Spring semester I have used the Summer as a testing ground. I have gained more respect for her. She has not smoked anything as far as I know since before the Summer had came. But she has invaded my privacy on numerous occassions such as hacking my facebook and going through my phone and lieing about it. But I found out and made her tell the truth. But she tried to lie about it.
With all this that I have just wrote. Which was a lot. Should I believe that she did NOT cheat on me even though she had a hickey on her neck? The fact that she still lies even about the smallest thing leads me to think she would have cheated on me in the past and now she would not want to hurt me like she did before so she is willing to lie and never tell me the truth because she doesn’t want to hurt me. But I just simply want to know the truth because I want to be able to look past it and move on and not always wonder in the back of my head. WHAT SHOULD I DO??????
Suggestion:
Honestly I think you are better off with out her. It sounds like she is using you. You pay for food and various other things, you do everything in your power to keep the relationship going and all she is giving you in return are lies. You said that she will lie to you to keep from hurting you but what she doesn't realize is by not telling you the truth she is lying to you more.
I think she is still very much in a party lifestyle. She doesn't want to take responsibility and own up to anything. With her invading your privacy I think she does that because she is feeling guilty. She may not view what she did as cheating but it was. If you saw a hickey you saw a hickey there's no denying that. If you didn't give it to her than who did?
But she is starting to doubt things and maybe is hoping that you are hiding something from her so that if and when the truth comes out she can then throw in your face what she did. She is playing a game with you. I believe she kept you around because you took everything she did and never left her.
Maybe she is changing but maybe not. The questions you need to ask and wonder is how does she really feel about you? Does she even respect you? How much can you take of her? And do you trust her?
You must log in to post a comment.